🗞️Today, in a shocking turn of events we definitely saw coming…
Our co-founder, Michael Boyd, celebrates another birthday! 🎂
🚨 Breaking news hot on its heels: the Richmond Tigers have reportedly pinned both their abysmal season and Dustin Martin’s retirement on Michael’s newfound golf obsession. “We simply can’t focus knowing he’s out there… perfecting his swing. Even Dusty couldn’t bear it anymore,” a team spokesperson didn’t actually say.
🚴♂️➡️🏌️♂️Golfer transformation complete, ex-MAMIL Michael has traded lycra for a Callaway ¼ zip, achieving what fashion experts are dubbing “a lateral transfer in the dad-core aesthetic.”
💪🌶️ Wowing onlookers in a different way, he recently put in an impressive performance at a grueling HyRox event. In a spicy aside, one coworker admitted relief at being able to “finally discuss something else.”
🕵️♂️ Yet, behind the scenes, a new saga was unfolding. A chilling exposé reveals Michael’s descent into the underworld of productivity tools. “It started innocently with Trello,” confides a visibly shaken team member. “He’s consumed by Miro mindmaps and Canva creations. I fear we’ll lose him to the void of infinite possibilities.” Digital detox specialists are scrambling for solutions.
☕🐕🔊 Meanwhile, health experts are raising red flags over Michael’s coffee consumption during client meetings. “His caffeine intake is off the charts,” a fictitious doctor warns. “There’s growing concern all those double ristrettos might cause him to vibrate at frequencies only dogs can hear.”
🏖️🎤 Right now, the birthday boy is taking a well-earned break with the family in Port Douglas. Local karaoke machines have been put on high alert, after one insider revealed, “He’s potentially dangerous on karaoke nights. Like the rest of the iterate team, his enthusiasm far outweighs his ability to carry a tune.”
🍀💚 Rumours and revelations aside, here’s what we know for sure: Michael remains the warm, genuine person we all know and love; the kind of guy who’d give you the Callaway off his back. Delightfully cheeky, with a leadership style as smooth as his swing, we can’t help but wonder—how lucky are we?
🥳 Happy birthday, MB!
